Today’s overheard fuckwittage: Some guy calling up Triple J to inform the nation that he just loves to get free food from fast-food drive-throughs. How does he accomplish this?
Why, by driving naked, of course! Our Wanker of the Day asserts that showing up late at night and naked to demand free food works three times out of four. Why? Because the teller is so shocked.
Wanker of the Day thinks he’s hilarious, and unfortunately, so does Triple J’s (female) presenter.
Dear Wanker and Enablers, you are not funny. You are employing sexually charged intimidation, and you are most likely terrifying the already hapless late night fast food employee. If the employee is female, then you are most definitely behaving in a threatening manner.
You have forced the teller to look at your naked body. You have drawn attention to it, in fact, with your stated line: “I’m naked, give me free food.” This is a power play of a very base sort, on the level with the sad old man on the train who shows his naked penis to young women because, I suppose, intimidation is fun for him. In doing this, you have shocked and possibly frightened the employee. If she is female, she is now frightened of sexual assault. If he is male, at best he thinks you’re a raving lunatic, if he isn’t afraid as well.
You have made a demand, and appeared to be unstable (because who drives around naked?). The teller’s natural assumption will be that if your demand for fries is not met, you will escalate your behaviour. You have now caused the employee to fear for their physical safety, if they did not already.
So, in exchange for your Friday night giggle and a $1.95 bag of fries, you have shocked, frightened, intimidated and instilled a fear of sexual and/or physical assault in another person. That person, if they are stuck on late-night fast food drive-through duty, is probably young, inexperienced, and not well equipped to tell you what a complete asshole you are. They’re certainly not paid enough to put up with you.
So, Wanker of the Day, let me take care of that. You are an asshole, and you’re not funny. If you must run around naked, do it in your backyard.